The new Bachelorette and the most recent Bachelor
By Stacy Macris Ros and Malayna Dawn, Co-Hosts of Pop Conscious on Unity Online Radio
Earlier this year, we invited our listeners to look at the “guilty pleasures” among their sources of entertainment, and find a deeper meaning for themselves. As an example, Stacy offered to challenge herself to find a redeeming lesson in her guilty pleasure, the TV show The Bachelor. We offer what she learned as a guide for The Bachelorette, Andi Dorfman, and more importantly, for everyone to use in their lives!
1) Do what’s right for you (even if there is social pressure to do otherwise)
Everyone wants the fairy tale happy ending. But is accepting a proposal of marriage so that others will be happy the right reason to get married? Of course it isn’t! When the proposal didn’t happen during The Bachelor season finale, nor did the “After the Final Rose” special four months later offer a confession of passionate love and a wedding date.
Don’t allow others to pressure you into a life choice that doesn’t honor your true feelings. Honor yourself and what you’re feeling, even if there’s social pressure to do otherwise.
2) Trust your instincts
When it came down to the final two bachelorettes, Clare felt moving forward wasn’t right for her, but she let him talk her into it. After being rejected in the finale, she stood up to him, and seemed to realize that she should have trusted her instincts before! (Like another bachelorette had done earlier in the season, and seemed happier for it in the “After the Final Rose” special.)
Hindsight allows us to see more clearly so we can do better next time. Trust your instincts and stand firmly for what you feel is right for you.
The universe will give us another opportunity to learn the lesson, maybe with a stronger hint, so it’s always best to pay attention the first time. Learn to ask yourself, “What am I feeling? What is my heart telling me?” and learn to listen to the answers you receive.
3) The Desire to Love and Be Loved is Universal
We all want love and a long-term relationship with that perfect companion. That’s what draws people to these shows– to watch the process, and go along on the journey. When viewers feel fiction is too unbelievable, and offers too little a chance of happening for them, reality television makes it a wee bit more true, and allows it to become everyone’s story.
It is such a deep desire for all humans, that in Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Eat Pray Love, her friend who was counseling war refugees explained that even though they had “suffered the worst of what humans can inflict on each other…all these people wanted to talk about, once they could see a counselor [was], ‘I met this guy when I was living in the refugee camp, and we fell in love. I thought he really loved me, but then we were separated on different boats, and he took up with my cousin. Now he’s married to her, but he says he really loves me, and he keeps calling me, and I know I should tell him to go away, but I still love him and I can’t stop thinking about him. And I don’t know what to do…’”.
So even in the face of the greatest challenges, wanting to be loved remains a high priority. It comes down to love versus fear, really. In the midst of dreadful circumstances, something within us knows that the opposite of fear is love. We often feel love most powerfully when we can experience the transcendence of two becoming one.
So don’t feel too guilty about your guilty pleasures! And have compassion for those that may not have what you have in your life.
4) Relationships are best built on a foundation of family, support, faith… and humor!
Looking back to all the couples from The Bachelor who have made it, I see that they had these things in common: a shared sense of humor and faith—in anything, really. It doesn’t even have to mean they have the same religious background, just that they had underlying universal beliefs in common.
When Sean and Catherine recently got married, his religious background was expressed by his father presiding over the wedding ceremony which included many traditionally religious pieces. The other Bachelor weddings were more nondenominational in tone, with the exception perhaps of the Jewish wedding, which highlighted both religious and cultural elements.
Stacy found this statistic online: couples that attend church weekly, regardless of denomination, are 36% less likely to divorce than those who never attend together.
So, a shared belief system – even one created from two faiths — can help couples stay together in a healthy, fulfilling marriage.
5) There are a lot of beautiful places in the world
The Bachelor has filmed in places like St. Lucia, Thailand, Europe, they were also in South Korea and Vietnam this past season.
The world is an amazing, diverse and beautiful place, and love powers it all!
Malayna Dawn and Stacy Macris Ros are co-hosts of the Unity Online Radio program Pop Conscious: Where Pop Culture and Spirituality Unite. Learn more at Unity.FM or PopConscious.com !